I've only been home for...4 hours..and not even home home, just to Amarillo which is 1 1/2hrs from actual home, but it already feels so GREAT! I felt so much pressure on my shoulders and in the back of my mind I knew all the things I needed to accomplish at home that my wasted time in Denver was not helping accomplish!
I also figured something out while I was in Denver...towards the end of my trip - i figured out what I love coming home so much. It is because I can truly be ME. Every weird, stupid, dorky, silly, ridiculous, shabby part of me can be me. I can be myself so much more at home than anywhere else. I may be one of the few 22yr olds, I've come to realize, that actually prefers loose regular ole' t-shirts as opposed to tight fitting cutesy t-shirts. Sure..this probably doesn't help with attracting the opposite sex, but I'm 22yrs old! I've got my whole life ahead of me and when the right guy comes along...he's not going to care that I wear t-shirts that are too big the majority of the time. During school and such of course I dress nicer for class, but during summer..I just want to wear my comfortable t-shirt! What is so freaking wrong with that!?!??!? PS...I DON'T CARE IF WE ARE GOING TO A PARTY OR A BAR...I'M STILL WEARING MY COMFY TEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I am always being nagged by my friends because I'm not wearing my make-up heavy enough (when in fact I DO wear makeup, which is getting less and less frequent everyday) or my shirt isn't tight enough or cute enough or low enough. Oh, I'm sorry that I HAVE RESPECT for myself and my body and I do NOT feel the need to exploit myself in order to attract some disgusting tramp of a man. No thank you! The only reason any of my tighter shirts are as tight as they are is because I've gained weight since I bought them and I'm too lazy and loathe shopping too much to buy new ones! Not because I think it's "sexy" or cute or whatever you want to call it...Ewe. I don't wear the right shoes, my hair is done wrong, I put black with brown.
I DO NOT CARE ! ! !
How many times do I have to say that before it gets through to anyone?!?!??
How is a girl supposed to love herself when the people closest to her are tearing her down at every turn? It is a messed up world we live in and we should be building each other up rather than slowly and discretely making digs at one another and tearing apart the fragile self we currently have.
Perhaps I should also be in search of new friends who love me for me and not for who they wish I was...wouldn't that be an interesting social experiment...friends that love every thing that's wrong with you just the way it is, like a soul mate - but several of them and as friends. Hmm...someone should try that! :)
Just a little rant there....had to get it out!
1 comment:
Wow, you know? I kinda struggled with that for a while. Not for long though. I couldn't ever get my friends to understand me. It was as if I was an alien or something. I just cared about different things. Looking like a movie star or being popular were not things that ever defined me. And then I found two friends that were just like me. They just cared about different things and were who they were no matter what. These two were the friends that helped me through the worst moments of my life, and then I began to realize that the other ones were not really friends but acquaintances. I stopped caring as much as I did for them. Their lifestyle was dragging me to places where I didn't know myself. So now I'm so free. I'm definetly understanding of different people, but I never get too attached to people that don't share at least two things: that we should live life to the fullest, the best we can; and that feelings such as nobility, compassion and forgiveness should be part of our everyday lives. Is that so hard? I know it's weird for a girl my age to put conditions in her choice of friends. But who cares if it's weird? What matters is that it's right. And you are soooo right; there's nothing like being yourself, and you should always be around the people that let you be yourself and love you as yourself.
I know I always write a lot! But I just can't help it!
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